How to Write a Hetalia Pairing
by PastaLover5000
Summary: Romance is a serious thing for Hetalians. It's a journey of yaoi, unnecessary drama, random plot twists, the occasional straight pairing, and lemons. But what if you don't know how to write Hetalian romance? I'm going to show you how to write it the RIGHT way! Parody fanfic. Latest pairing: LietPol. Rated T for language, mentions of sex, violence, attempted suicide, and MPreg.
1. USUK

**Before we begin, I want to leave a serious note. Please do not take this the wrong way. I'm not trying to be mean or say that you can't like this pairing or any other pairings I write in this. It's perfectly fine and everybody should have the right to like whatever they want. This is just a lot of what I've seen on here and I'm making fun of it all. Hell, I've made some of these mistakes in my work before. There. I've explained myself, so if you flame me I will not take you seriously. So, here we go.  
**

**For the first chapter, we are starting with the most beloved pairing in the Hetalia fandom: USUK. This means America is the seme/man-like figure in the relationship and England is the uke/lady-like figure in the relationship. Maybe I'll make one for UKUS later. **

**Disclaimer: Hetalia is owned by Hidekaz Himaruya. **

**Chapter 1: USUK  
**

England is at a world meeting. I mean, how else are you supposed to start a Hetalia fanfiction? They obviously never get anything done. They just make fun of each other's pasts or something. Have you seen Episode 1?

Anyway, Italy is saying how much he loves pasta and coloring something, Germany was yelling at everybody, and France was staring at England. Oh no! No doubt was he going to molest England soon! I mean, it's not like France is a loving person who has respect for others. No, he just rapes whatever he can get his hands on. Yeah, this isn't offensive to French people in any way.

"Ohohohohohohoh!" He laughed.

"You bloody wanker! You're such an annoying git! You should just sod off!" England shouted.

Oh yeah. As a rule, England has to say at least one British slang in every single sentence. Well, there is only wanker, git, arse, bloody hell, and the occasional new word once you get right down to it. Then, suddenly, _he_ came in.

"Sorry I'm late dudes! The awesome hero was accidentally sleeping in!" Suddenly, he turned his attention to France and frowned. Then, he pointed at him dramatically. "Hey! You! Stop molesting England right now! The hero is against it!"

Even though France wasn't even going to do that to being with, France started to pout and then turned away from the both of them. England stared at the perfectness that was America. With blonde hair and perfect blue eyes, he fit the knight in shining armor perfectly. America was the most beautiful thing in the whole entire world. England had loved him ever since he went through puberty and became hot. He began to blush.

America turned around and then suddenly smiled. His teeth shined so bright, it light up the whole entire room. "Oh, hey Iggy."

England's eyes widened and an even larger blush developed. Oh my god! America was talking to him! He had to confess right now! Instead, he frowned. "America, you're such a wanker. You're late, you fat arse."

America smirked and laughed. "Yeah. Wha'cha going do about it, old man?" Then, just to spite him, America shoved a random hamburger that materialized from thin air into his mouth.

England's eyes widened. Old!? England wasn't old! He had been trying hard to keep in shape! He had exercised for hours and dyed his hair blonde at least five times a day! England then started to cry. Now everybody was looking at him. "A-America, you're such an idiotic arse and I hate you!"

Then, England ran out of the world meeting. All those wankers were so mean and he was so alone! He had never had anybody who had ever loved him! Ever since he could remember, everybody was so mean to him. He was always picked on and his colonies hated him. Even his brothers didn't like him. They all formed the UK but they didn't love each other at all. Ever single country made fun of his eyebrows and his cooking! Why didn't anyone care about him!?

"Iggy."

England looked up and saw America. "Go away, you worthless piece of shite!"

Suddenly, America leaned in and kissed England. England's eyes widened and he blushed badly like a lovestruck school girl. Then, he leaned in for the kiss. It was wonderful and long and they both enjoyed every minute of it. Nah, nobody cares that they were both brothers at one point. America doesn't consider himself England's brother anymore. It's fine! They loved each other from the start anyway.

Then, they both decided to skip the meeting despite all the attention they just brought upon themselves when they decided to go out for dinner. It was at a wonderful place that was both a pub and McDonalds. You could just tell that Hetalian fangirls had built this just to see America and England have their first date in it.

Anyway.

They were both eating and drinking and America was singing some One Direction karaoke for England, the latter blushing terribly for the third time that day, when suddenly a person interrupted.

"Hey! Stop singing that dumb song!" A random person shouted. America frowned and dropped his head in shame. England frowned and turned to the person.

"You know what, arsehole!? Shut the actual fuck up!"

Suddenly, the two of them started fighting and England won. Of course he fucking would, because you want a seemingly helpless person to become a badass just to make it suspenseful. Oh and no, America didn't try to break up the fight and be a hero like he's always wanted to be. He just shoved fries in his mouth and drank some more cola like a useless idiot. Then, there was the issue of actually getting home.

"God damn it, you useless wanker!" England yelled at America. "We're never going back to your bloody house! Now, we might as well walk, you git!" (A/N: Sorry. Just gotta but in in the middle of the fanfiction. Here's a tip though. When writing a tsundere, you have to make him be mean to his special one all the time. No showing your love. Just be a whiny bitch that will eventually drive the man crazy. Okay. Back to the fanfiction. Again. Sorry!)

America frowned. "Chill, dude. I have something better than walking."

Suddenly, America started talking into a speaker. Then, a random jet came out from the sky. England's eyes widened. "What the bloody hell, America?" He cried, having the most reasonable reaction in this whole entire thing.

"Oh, come on!" America told him and forcefully pulled him inside the jet. Then, he began to fly it. England screamed and cried like a whiny little girl and said how he was afraid of heights. Then, sometime during it he looked at how beautiful the scenery below him was and conquered his fear of heights. But anyway, that's not what I should be writing about. After that, they went home and had wonderful sex (I think that's some sort of cake?) and it was amazing. It all ended with the two snuggling together in bed.

"Hey, Iggy?" America asked quietly.

"Yes, git?" England asked harshly, but with wonderful affection within his voice.

"I love you."

England blushed once again. Then, he moved closer to America. "I love you too, wanker."

THE END!

* * *

**Wasn't that the best USUK fanfiction EVAR!? By the way, here's another tip. When writing England, just close your eyes and try to get into the mind of a teenage girl on her period. He's not a badass, he's just an annoying whiny little man who can save the day every now and then. Everybody will love it for sure! If I get good reviews, I may include another chapter. **

**-PastaLover5000**


	2. GerIta

**(Thanks for the kind reviews from the last chapter. Don't worry, I'll cover RoChu later. There are just some popular pairings that I'll have to get out of the way first. Now, I'm going to show you how to "write" the OTHER most beloved pairing in the Hetalia fandom: GerIta. This will be hard to write since GerIta is my OTP. I acknowledge Italy's intelligence and stability in emotions, and I understand how Germany has a hard time showing how sweet he is. I also don't have Romano cursing every sentence. He's one of my favorite characters and I've actually roleplayed him. This is just for fun. Well, whatever. Let's just get to it.) **

* * *

**Chapter 2: GerIta**

It was after another chaotic meeting. After England was a whiny baby and America was a hero and went after him, they all canceled the meeting and went home. Italy colored randomly on a piece of paper and smiled as he colored a random cat (wasn't he just coloring randomly a few seconds ago?). He looked across the street at Germany's house where he saw his crush yelling at Prussia. All Prussia did was show up to the meeting earlier, and Germany was making him do jumping jacks. This was perfectly reasonable since Prussia was an ex-nation and all. "Come on! I want to see some sweat! People like you make me sick!" Germany barked at his own brother.

While Prussia suffered, Italy giggled. Oh, Germany was so handsome and so kind. He had loved him to the ends of the Earth and Italy's whole life revolved around his Germany. He would do anything for him. If he learned that he had suddenly dissolved, Italy would give up his life forever. It's not like he had friends and family who loved him or anything. Speaking of family, "Veneziano, what the hell are you doing?"

"Shush..." Italy whispered, putting a finger to Romano's lips. "I'm watching Doitsu!" Italy knows Japanese, by the way. Well, this sort of makes sense. You'd figure that after all his time with Japan, he'd learn some Japanese of his own, that being one word.

Romano seemed confused for a second, since he didn't know Japanese even though he was part of the Axis too. Then, he frowned. He seemed pretty angry now.

Okay. Here we go. This is going to be a long one, so you might want to go take a break. Maybe go to the bathroom. Watch TV. Walk your dog. Take a shower. Eat something. Get some sleep. It's probably been awhile since you've done any of those things since you're so addicted to fanfiction. Or you could get some calming tea. I personally think cinnamon or lemon with a few teaspoons of white sugar would be just fine.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!"

Wait a minute. Sorry, hold on. As another well-known rule, Romano has to say at least one curse word every single sentence. The curse words will mostly be fucking, bastard, or damn it. There can be the occasional hell though. When talking to a country, he will call them their favorite food or item and then either bitch or bastard at the end of every single sentence when talking to them. For example, if he was talking to Hungary, he would end every single sentence with frying pan bitch. This is all important for later.

Okay. Let's continue.

"YOU STUPID, USELESS, IDOTIC PIECE OF FUKCING SHIT! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD LOVE THAT POTATO BASTARD! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU EVER GO OUT WITH FUCKING GERMANY!? HE FUCKING SUCKS! THAT BASTARD IS MEAN AND GROSS AND FAT AND STUPID AS HELL! NOBODY FUCKING LIKES HIM UNLESS THEY LIVE IN THAT DUMB COUNTRY! ALL HE EVER EATS IS POTATOES AND HE'S SO FUCKING UGLY! I HATE HIM, DAMN IT! YOU BARELY EVEN FUCKING KNOW HIM! HE SHOULD JUST GO JUMP OUT A WINDOW BECAUSE HE'S A STUPID BASTARD! WHY DO YOU EVEN LOOK UP TO THAT BASTARD!? ARE YOU GOING TO DEVOTE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE TO BE HIS FUCKING BITCH!?"

For my last chapter, I got a review from someone saying that I insulted their country, that being England. It wasn't a flame, they said they loved it anyway. Well, to everyone in the Southern region of Italy, aren't you so proud of the vulgar-mouthed part of the country you live in?

Romano continued saying as may bad things about Germany as he could think of at the top of his head. All of these were just random insults. There were tons of reasonable reasons to hate Germany other than this. Maybe little Veneziano was growing up and Romano couldn't let go. Maybe it's because the last time Italy fell in love, he had his heart broken. Maybe it's because Germany's grandpa killed their grandpa.

Well, it doesn't matter anyway because Italy slapped Romano, something he would _never _do in real life. He was scowling angrily. "Shut the hell up, you idiota!" Italy told him. Then, he grabbed a suitcase and started putting all the items he could in it.

"What the hell are you doing!?" Romano asked.

"I'm moving with Germany! He will give me pasta and treat me like how a man always wanted to be treated! He will treat me fairly, save me when I'm going to die, give me pasta, make me strong, help me tie my shoelaces, give me pasta, and that's that! Did I mention that's he going to give me pasta?"

With that, Italy left. Romano never went after him. Besides, he was so dumb and useless, he hated him anyway. Sure, he was a logical thinker as a kid, but now he was just stupid.

Italy knocked on the door and saw a sweaty Prussia. Prussia breathed in and out, then looked up to Italy. "Italy? What do you want? Why do you have those suitcases with you?" Prussia asked.

Despite the fight he just had with Romano, Italy was suddenly smiling. "Ve~! I'm here to see a-Germany! I want to have a-pasta with him!"

Make sure to type out accents. Those aren't difficult to read at all.

Prussia blinked a few times. Then, he turned around. "Vest! Italy vants to see ya!"

Germany came downstairs. "Shut up, my useless bruder!" Suddenly, Germany saw Italy with all of his suitcases. Germany suddenly smiled and hugged Italy. "Italy! It's you!"

"Vhat!?" Prussia said in the background. He didn't know that Germany would actually let the useless Italian who might have had severe cases of bi-polar disorder in. No, he just didn't think that Germany was stupid enough to let someone completely useless in.

"Si! Sono io la Germania!"

Okay. Another rule. Not just towards towards Italy, but pretty much everyone. If you speak a language, and your friend doesn't speak it, speak it anyway. Not only is this annoying because you have to go to Google Translate or scroll down to see what he just said, it makes sense. Obviously every single nation is taught every fucking language in the world. Or maybe Germany too learned a new language after being with the Axis.

Germany let go. "You may live vith us."

How did Germany know that Italy wanted to live with him? All he knows is Italy is suddenly here with suitcases. Italy could be showing Germany his platinum edition suitcase collection for all he knows.

"B-But he's useless!" Prussia thought a moment. "Vell, zhis Italy. Regular Italy is fine. But zhis Italy is stupid and-"

Germany glared and kicked Prussia out for the night, then made pasta with Italy. At first, it was all fun and games. Literally. Italy shook off Germany's shirt and flew it around. Then, they played a nice wholesome game of Eels and Escalators. Shortly after the game, Germany suddenly became sad and teary-eyed. Oh no. Does Germany have bi-polar disorder too?

Italy seemed confused by this. "Doitsu, what's wrong?" More Japanese!

"Italy, I have somezing to tell you." He said. He took a deep breath, then looked Italy in the eye. "I'm Holy Rome."

Italy's eyes widened. Okay. Even this Italy, as stupid as he is, has to be able to question that. This lover broke his heart and left him waiting for many years. People are telling him that he is gone. Dead. No longer here. Then, suddenly, a man who reminds him of his lost love comes and supposedly saves him. Now, that man told him that his thoughts are true. Surely even Idiotic!Italy has to be able to...

"HOLY ROME!" Italy kissed Germany so hard, they both fell on the kitchen floor.

And he's a dipshit. What a surprise.

"Italia!" Germany cried, and they both made out on the kitchen floor. It was so beautiful and romantic. They just forgot about the pasta they were making and just made out so passionately, also like two lovestruck schoolgirls. (Maybe they aren't so different from England after all!) It was a beautiful moment indeed.

THE END!

* * *

**So, what did we learn today? When writing romance, never ever have the characters have control over their emotions. Instead, just make them have random melt downs and have them torment their family members. Also, have them be as stupid and bi-polar as possible.  
**

**Thank you for reading! Let's see what I can teach you next chapter!**

**-PastaLover5000  
**


	3. Spamono

**Now, time for the OTHER most beloved pairing in the Hetalia fandom: Spamono! This one was a challenge. I'm not a big fan of the pairing myself, but not many people write with Romano as the seme and Spain as the uke, the way I would have it if I ever wrote it. So, I'm just going to have two in one. What would that be called anyway? Romain?  
**

* * *

**Chapter 3: Spamano  
**

Romano went off to the world meeting that happened the next day. Oh fucking great. Why the hell were these dumbass meetings even here? They never got anything done! And oh my god, he was so fucking tired! Why did he have to get up and go to work? All there were stupid assholes who were far far more annoying then he could ever be. In fact, why did he have to do anything in life? Life was nothing more than a circle of birth and death. Everybody and everything was so useless and stupid.

"LOVI! MY PRECIOUS LITTLE TOMATO!"

Suddenly, the day got worse when Romano felt the life being squeezed out of him. He let out a gasp before realizing who this was. "T-Tomato bastard! W-What the fucking hell?"

"I just wanted to see my beautiful little pride and joy!" Spain answered with a smile.

Okay, let's wrap this up quickly. As the story goes, Spain was a pirate. That whiny little bitch known as England from Chapter 1? Also a pirate. The two went at each other, and England kicked the country's ass. Then, life became worse from there. Still, the only one thing that made his life worth living was Romano. I can't imagine why; I mean Romano was annoying as hell. I have a feeling that Spain is one of those people that loves being relied on.

"Well, go mess with fucking Mexico or something, tomato bastard! I'm not interested!"

"But, Lovi! I love you!"

"I don't love you, tomato bastard!"

Spain didn't listen. He just continued grinding up on his own little brother. That's right. Spain and Romano are legitimate brothers. Remember when Chibitalia called Spain fratello? Well, same with America and England. Nobody cares. If they did, this wouldn't be the third most popular pairing in the fandom.

"Hey! You two pathetic excuses for countries need to stop grinding on each other and sit down! This is a meeting, remember?" Germany barked from the other side of the room.

"NO ONE CARES POTATO BASTARD!" Romano yelled. At first he was angry because it was Germany. Then, he realized that every single person in the room was staring at them. Oh great! This fucking day just got even fucking better! Romano sat down while blushing out of embarrassment and also scowling angrily.

"Sorry, Germany! But I can't help it! My tomato needs me!"

"No, he doesn't. Now, let's begin," As Germany was talking, Romano looked at his hands closer. He realized he had a black ring around one of his fingers. Romano blinked a few times. What the fucking hell was that?

"Wait, Germany! Hold on, dude! The hero has something to say!"

I realized that America was terribly OOC the first chapter. He has to mention heroes at least once in every chapter! How could I have forgotten? Everyone turned and looked at America. He wore an even more annoying smile than usual. He was also holding hands with England. This lead to confusion from the male nations. Didn't they hate each other? However, the female nations were coming closer. Was this the moment they had been waiting for!?

"Iggy and I are officially dating! Also, I'm the hero! Isn't that groovy?"

It was silent in the room. Romano groaned. Who cares? He honestly didn't give a fuck whether America or England lived or died. In fact, he thought that the world meetings would be better off without them. Just think about it. How many times had America and/or England fucked things up for everybody?

"Nante koto! Amerika to Igirisu wa, 1 to shite issho ni saishūtekini aru! Kore wa totemo kawaīdesu!"* Then, the following phrase was followed by Japan squealing so fucking loud, that Romano covered his ears. All the girls started clapping and cheering, saying this was the moment they had dreamed of and all that shit. Hungary and Belgium even hugged each other at one point. These girls are all supposed to be representing your reactions.

Romano, who was sick of all the fucking bullshit, stood up from his seat, "I don't fucking care if you're dating! You're just like everyone else, which means you have no spot in my heart! I fucking hate you two!"

England blinked. Then, he started rubbing his emerald eyes out of irritation. No, wait. He was crying. How surprising.

"Oh, no. Iggy. Don't cry," America tried to coax him, but England ran out crying like a true gentlemen. Again, all my English readers. This is your country.

"Shut up, Romano!" Italy yelled. "Stop being heartless and a-mean!"

"Let me guess, you're going out with some fucking bastard too?"

"Actually, he is."

Italy raised up his hand and showed he also had a black ring around his finger. The truth slowly dawned on Romano. That black ring was an engagement ring. (A/N: Another annoying author's note. My dad has this. So, yes. People do have black bands as engagement rings.)

"Ve're getting married tomarrow." Germany announced. While Romano's mouth dropped, everybody else in the room cheered and let out squeals of ultra joy and excitement. Romano couldn't believe it! How could his fucking brother have went and planned a wedding without him? As these thoughts raced though his mind.

"WHAT THE FUCK, VENEZIANO!? HOW COULD YOU JUST GO AND GET FUCKING MARRIED TO THE POTATO BASTARD WITHOUT ME!? THIS ISN'T FAIR, DAMN IT!"

"Too bad, Romano. I'm getting married anyway whether you like it or not!"

Hey. Know what I just realized? Maybe Romano is too mean. He won't stop cursing every sentence and he's saying that nobody has a spot in his heart! Maybe I've made him too bitter. He's more annoying than all these people combined. Let's try to redeem this guy and soften him up a bit, shall we?

Romano suddenly felt something in his heart. He clutched his chest before looking up to Veneziano. "Go ahead then. See if I care."

Then, Romano ran out of the room. He ran across the street, passing small shops and apartment buildings. Then, he started reaching his neighborhood. He was about to make it to his house when he tripped and fell. Romano began clutching his knee and moaning in pain. Then, he went into his room. He locked the door and then started crying.

Ever since he could remember, everybody had loved Veneziano. He was so much more talented. He could sing, paint, and do everything Romano couldn't. Plus, he was a lot more handsome. He had more resemblance to Grandpa Rome. Plus, it was obvious who was the favorite out of the two. He even got the title of Italy when they both represented the same country! (Wait. Hold on. Where have I heard this before? Isn't this scene from the anime?)

Romano continued wallowing in his own self-pity. Now the idiot was getting married."Why doesn't anybody like me, damn it?"

Romano was unaware that he just said all of his thoughts aloud, because Veneziano was suddenly there. "Ve. I like you, Romano."

"Veneziano, fuck off!"

Italy frowned and left the room. Romano cleared his throat and started over. "Why doesn't anybody like me, damn it!?"

And then Japan was there. "I rike you, Romano-kun."

"Nikujaka bastard, you fuck off too!"

Japan calmly left the room. Romano sighed and continued crying. "Why doesn't anybody like me, damn it!?"

Suddenly, Belgium and Hungary were there. Belgium smiled and handed him a waffle. "We like you, Lovi!"

"Leave me alone, dutch bitch! You too, frying pan bitch!"

Suddenly, the Netherlands and Austria were there.

"Dutch bitch? Frying pan bitch?" Austria frowned.

"Where are you getting all this?" the Netherlands asked.

Hungary frowned while Belgium teared up a little. But still. Belgium is sassy...So... "Well excuuuuuuuse me, princess!" With that, Belgium left leaving Hungary to hit Romano upside the head before she too left the room.

Romano rubbed his head a little before taking a deep breath. "Let me try this one more fucking time! Why doesn't anybody like me, damn it!?"

"I like you, Lovi."

Romano jumped in surprise and turned around. Then, he saw Spain standing there. Romano's eyes widened and he let out a gasp. "T-Tomato bastard? What the hell are you doing here?"

Suddenly, Spain wrapped his arms around Romano. Romano breathed and then hugged Spain back. Finally, someone cared about him! Well, minus Veneziano and Japan, that is. Plus, probably other people like Prussia. Maybe even Belgium. No. The only love he would accept was from Spain. The two made out so affectionately. It was truly a love that was meant to be.

Well, this hug would probably only last for a few seconds. After all, Romano is a "tsundere", remember?

THE END!

* * *

_*****Nante koto! Amerika to Igirisu wa, 1 to shite issho ni saishūtekini aru! Kore wa totemo kawaīdesu!=Oh my god! America and England are finally together as one! This is so cute!_

**So, what did we learn today? Well, in a relationship with someone tsundere and someone not tsundere, make the tsundere whiny and bitchy as expected. Have the non-tsundere treasure the other in every single way and not let them go no matter what. Also, I think I need some more ideas for the storyline. If you could provide some ideas, that would be so awesome. Until next time!**

**-PastaLover5000**


	4. FrUK

**To those who are curious, here is my lovely schedule. This chapter is FrUK. Next will be PruCan, then RoChu. Then I'll start covering GreecexJapan (Grepan?) and maybe some Nordic action. Now, it's fine to request a pairing, but I can't promise them as the very next chapter. I'm doing this based on popularity of the pairings. On a side note, this chapter is a bit longer than the others and contains hints of USUK.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 4: FrUK**

England walked to the Allies meeting alone. All was going well until someone grabbed his shoulder.

Fun Fact: 70% of rapes start with a touch on the shoulder.

We all know what that means!

"Ohohohohohoh! Hello, _Angleterre_!"

England felt a shiver up his spine. "Get off me, you git!"

Instead of ignoring France and going straight to the meeting, England slapped France for no reason at all. France slapped back. Then, the two got into a fight. By the end of it, England had a broken nose and France had a black eye and both their clothes were all torn apart. Then, they both healed almost instantly. Then, they continued walking to the Allies meeting. (What was the point of that? Oh, whatever.) Once there, he saw America, China, Russia, and a random floating polar bear waiting for him.

"Hey, Iggy!" America called over. "Come on! The hero saved a spot just for you!"

England rolled his eyes. "Bloody hell, America. Would you leave me the alone for ten fucking seconds?"

America smiled. "Nope." Then, he shoved another burger in his mouth. England groaned and sat as far away from America as possible. America only scooted closer towards him.

"Ohohohoh! Mind if I sit here?" France asked while taking a spot next to England.

"Oh, sure," America told him. France grinned and sat next to England. Great.

"Okay! Let's get started so that we can bring down the Axis of Evil!" America gestured to the three drawings of Italy, Germany, and Japan on the chalkboard.

China raised his hand.

"China!" America pointed to the oriental nation dramatically.

"World War Two ended in 1945 aru! We already won aru! Why are we still having these Allies meetings, aru?"

Alright. This is where you take notes, children. Have China say 'aru' at the end of every single sentence. No matter what. Got it? Got it. Good. Moving on!

"Because I say so!"

"Well, if we're going to have Allies meetings, will we at least invite everyone else aru? We had many other nations helping us during-"

"It's okay, China," China flinched as he felt a hand on his shoulder. "We aren't actually fighting. We're just meeting up so we can spend time together over and over. After all, the Allies is the only thing we have in common. _Da_?"

Why did he say 'da?' That means 'yes' in Russian, right? So, why does everyone have him say it all the time? Seriously! Do you say 'yes' all the time? I didn't think so! Oh well, it's too late now. Might as well have Russia go 'da' at the end of his statements too.

"Russia, get away from me aru."

"Wait! Question!" France raised his hand.

"Yes, France?" America asked after sipping some coke.

"Aren't we supposed to be showing Italy and Germany's wedding? Why is it-?"

"GerIta only gets one chapter, dude," America interrupted. "We won't show that for a while. But it's okay! Iggy and I are together, those two are married, and Spain and Romano are dating! Everybody's happy! Now, let's set the timer and argue like the good ol' days!"

The meeting began with someone setting up a timer for one hour. America stuffed fries in his face. England and France killed each other. Russia kept messing with China. The random polar bear asked "Who are you?" at least ten times. It felt like there was a sixth person in the room. In other words, it was utter chaos.

And then, _it _happened.

"What are you bastards doing?"

The Allies turned and saw Italy and Romano at the door. It took some seconds to show every single person's reaction to it until America pointed at them dramatically. "AXIS!"

Suddenly, everybody stood up and tried to start beating them up. Italy screamed and got behind Romano, telling him to protect him. Romano got out a gun (Mafia, bitches!) and started trying to shoot everyone. However, he was terrible at aiming so they all gave him a few bruises here and there.

Somewhere in all the fighting, England felt a tap on his shoulder. He jumped and turned to see France. "Come with me."

England frowned. "I don't think I will, arse."

France sighed. "You leave me no choice." With that, he dragged England away forcefully. England screamed and demanded for the frog to let him go. However, nobody heard him over the fighting. Instead, France shoved England into a storage closet. After shutting the door behind him, France turned on the light switch. The Englishman scowled.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?"

"Oh, I think you know." France looked at him with passion in his eyes.

England's eyes widened and he began to back away from the Frenchman. "I am not going to lose my virginity to a bloody frog!"

France frowned. "Why does everybody think that I'm going to rape them!?"

"Fine, tell me whatever you would like to tell me and then let us get on with that bloody meeting."

"Oh, _Angleterre_. You really need to stop kidding yourself. You do know that you do not really love _Amerique_, right?"

I couldn't ever imagine why this under developed romance would ever work. How many wars have these to gotten into with one another? A million. Bullying won't make someone fall in love with you, it will only lead to them hating you. It's not cute. Oh well.

"That is utter bullocks!" England yelled.

"Stop denying yourself. Search your feelings. You know it to be true!"

England started to take what France was saying into consideration. Ever since he had started dating America, the idiot had babbled non-stop. It was always "I'm the hero" this or "Hamburgers" that. Just looking at him was sickening. All England wanted was for someone who would show him love and compassion. Was that too much to ask? Why did America always put food first? What ever happened to loving him!?

England snapped back into reality when he realized that France was getting closer. England shook his head and pushed the Frenchmen off. "I can't cheat on America, you git! He's my-"

"Don't talk!" France put his fingers on England's lips. "My fingers are on your lips! And now, my lips are on your lips!"

With that, the Frenchman leaned in and kissed England. His style. Then, they start undressing each other and boom! We get a romantic sex scene that is described in a very creepy and I'd even call it disgusting manner. Why? Because it's France. So much for the "love isn't meant to be forced" quote he made in Episode something.

After that, the two realized they had to go back to the meeting soon. So, they stopped doing each other and got their clothing back on. Then, they walked to the meeting room just in time. How convenient.

America turned to England and smiled. "Oh, hey Iggy. Get this! I, the hero, captured two Axis members!"

"Ve." Italy muttered sadly. Along with his brother, he had his hands and feet tied to his back.

"For the last time, we are not the fucking Axis!" Romano shouted.

England looked to France, then back to America. He sighed, knowing what must be done. "America, dear, I think we should end our relationship."

This gained some attention from the other members of the Allies. They all looked to America and England. Sky blue eyes widened and America stepped back a bit. "W-What?" He asked with both pity and disbelief.

"You see, I fell in love with someone else," England said, gesturing to France. "I'm sorry, love. Best of luck to you."

With that, England walked away with France. America didn't hear all the whispers about how mean that was. He didn't hear the apologies or the tears that were shed for him. No. All he saw was his true love holding the hands of someone else.

THE END!

* * *

_French Translations:_

*_Angleterre=England_

*_Bonjour, Angleterre=Hello, England_

_*Amerique=America_

* * *

**So, what did we learn today? Well, if you ever want the man of your dreams but are already going out with someone, CHEAT! It's the only way to true happiness! Plus, the person you're already going out with probably doesn't need you anyway. Still, I'd like to take a moment to say that I'm so very sorry that I left the hero alone! (Sarcasm!) But don't worry! America will not be alone in this world forever! Until next time!  
**

**-PastaLover5000**


	5. PruCan (Warning: Attempted Suicide)

**(So, this chapter is featuring Suicidal!Canada. This is the very reason I'm starting to hate Canada in fanfiction. He's so goddamn depressing for no reason. And please, do not include suicide just to include romance in a story. It's really offensive and it is probably hurting people who have recently lost loved ones to suicide. Suicide isn't something to be fucked with. Anyway, whatever. Enjoy. Or not.)  
**

* * *

**Chapter 5: PruCan**

After England and France walked away from the meeting, America had been frozen in place. Then, he blinked a few times. Large, sparkling tears began sliding down his face. (Oh god. That description.) All the other members of the Allies cried for America. By the other members of the Allies, I mean China and Russia.

"I'm so sorry, America (aru)! I can't believe that England broke up with you (aru)!" China told America over his tears.

"I agree. It was completely unnecessary and heartless. _Da?_" Russia chimed in.

Russia talking about heartlessness? He's as evil as evil can get, isn't he? So isn't he being a huge hypocrite? In fact, why do Russia and China care? America owes China tons of money and Russia has been enemies with the hamburger idiot since the Cold War. Unless England and America's relationship was effecting them positively, they wouldn't give a fuck.

America wiped his tears away. "T-Thanks you guys. I'm so glad my sidekicks are always there for me when I need it."

Sidekicks? America, you narcissist.

You know how it felt like there was a sixth person in the room? Well, there was. Instead of helping his brother, Canada picked up his polar bear Kumaroko and left the room. And now, we'll have a depressing story on how Canada was ignored by everyone all his life and America was so much better. We'll also include a history of cutting and out of character depression while we're at it.

Once he was home, he sat Kumakiki down and went into the bathroom. Then, he locked the door and got out a knife. (Where did he get the knife?) He sat down on the floor and took deep breaths as he held the knife to his chest. He knew it would be painful, but he didn't care. He was always ignored and nobody had ever acknowledged him, so why did it matter?

Well, nobody if you don't count his papa France. Or his brothers, England and America. Or all the countries that he was friends with. Nope. He was so alone and it would always be that way forever and ever.

He closed his eyes and prepared himself for the impact.

Suddenly, the door bell rang.

Canada's eyes opened. He sighed as he realized that the knife barely met his chest. He stood up, left the bathroom, and walked into his living room, and finally opened the door. What stood in front of him was a young man with white hair and red eyes that shined like rubies. He also had a yellow bird that was flying around him. This man looked familiar, but Canada couldn't place his finger on it. Either way, he was hands down the most beautiful person he had ever seen.

"H-Hello," Canada said quietly. "W-Who are you?"

Because all depressed people stutter.

"I'm the awesome Prussia," The man began. "My _bruder _kicked me out of the house a few days ago, so I kind of need someone to stay with. I'm going to pick you because the plot calls for it."

"W-What about your f-friends, France and Spain? C-Can't you stay with t-them?"

"Yes," Prussia answered. "So, do you have pancakes?"

Canada nodded. "Uh-huh. I can make some for you."

Prussia smiled and began to scratch his head. "You're so cute. I'm gonna give you a cutesie nickname. How about Birdie?"

"What aspect of my personality made you think of birds?"

"Birdie it is then!"

So, Canada went into the kitchen and began to make some pancakes.

Hey, hold the phone. Canada just tried to commit _suicide! _I didn't even know that was possible for a nation. I sort of thought they were immortal and they would figure that it was useless and even if they did want to die, they couldn't because they had a nation to run. But still!_ Suicide!_ Now, some dude is here demanding pancakes and you just do what he says and carry on like normal!? What the hell is this!?

Somewhere along the way, Prussia came in and the two made pancakes together. Prussia enjoyed every moment of it. How could he not? The Canadian was so perfect in every way from his blonde hair that ended in neat waves to his eyes that were violet like violets. If West thought he could have a wedding without his consent, he was going to do the same. Only with this nation.

And just when Prussia seemed reasonable in Chapter Two, he falls this in love with someone he just met. Fuck. Also, when did it start showing Prussia's thoughts!?

After they were done making pancakes, the two began eating them. They talked and talked for hours. It turns out that Prussia was related to Germany and that was why he seemed familiar. His empire dissolved two years after WW2 ended and he was the Eastern half of Germany now. He had been living with Germany until he decided to kick him out in favor of the useless and quite feminine Italy Veneziano.

"Hey, can I move in with you?" Prussia asked.

"Why would you want to move in with me? Everybody loves my brother America. They don't care about me at all."

Prussia frowned. He dropped his fork and raised Canada's chin up. "I care."

Canada blushed deeply. "T-That's good to know. Sure you can move in."

"Awesome! Thanks-" Prussia stopped himself. "Hey, wait. I don't even know your human name. What is it?"

"Matthew Williams. What's yours?"

"It's Gilbert. Gilbert Beilschdmit."

"That's hot," Canada muttered. Then, he gasped and covered his mouth. He was such an idiot! Why did he just say that!?

Instead of giving a confused look, Prussia smiled and laughed. "Oh, Birdie. You're so awesome," Suddenly, Prussia stood up from his seat. "Hey, the awesome me is gonna go use the can okay? I'll be right back."

When he left, Canada sunk in his seat. He couldn't believe it. Just a few hours ago, he was thinking about giving up his life. He thought he was worthless and that all he would ever be was America's shadow. Now, he had a reason to live. He was noticed.

_"I have to tell him how I feel," _Canada thought to himself. _"If I don't, all we'll be is just friends. It's now or never." _

"Birdie."

Canada turned around and saw Prussia. And boy, did he look pissed. He got his hand out from behind his back to reveal he had a knife. "What is this?"

Canada's eyes widened. He was certain that he felt his heart skip a beat. Oh no. That was the same knife that he tried to end his life with earlier! How could have Prussia found it!? (Or the bigger question is, "How would Prussia _not_ have found it?")

"Mattie!"

Suddenly, Canada snapped. Large tears came down and despite his efforts to wipe them away, they kept coming down. Then, he blurted out everything that had happened. He had told Prussia of how everyone ignored him, how he had cut his wrists every day, how everyone mourned America when he had his heart broken and, how he had attempted to kill himself earlier that day. "It felt like everyone ignored me, so I just thought, why not?"

Prussia blinked. Then, he sighed and wrapped his arms around Canada. "I know what you're going though."

WHAT!?

"You see, when I lost my nation, I was taken to the Soviet Union. You know. Before it was destroyed. Anyway, Russia had made me work for him. He had beat me with his lead pipe if I did a single thing wrong. He told me I was worthless and that I had failed the world. For the longest time, I believed him."

Well, I can sort of see this part. I mean, I don't think that Russia would beat him for _every _mistake he made, but-

"Then, I met you."

Aaaaaaannnd you lost me.

"You're my whole world, Birdie. I know I just met you a few hours ago, but still. You're amazing. I wouldn't change anything about you."

Canada blinked a few times. Then, he began crying tears of joy. (Oh my god! So much crying!)

"I feel the same, Gil!"

Prussia gave Canada a kiss on the head. _"Ich Liebe Dich, Kanada."_

"_Je t'aime, __Prusse._"

Okay. I don't really know how it happened, but shortly after this, Prussia and Canada ended up in Canada's bed naked, hot, and in love.

THE END!

* * *

_German Translations_

_Bruder=Brother_

_Ich Liebe Dich, Kanada=I love you, Canada.  
_

_French Translations_

_Je t'aime, Prusse=I love you, Prussia._

* * *

**So, what did we learn today children? Once a suicidal person learns that someone loves him, have them stop the cutting, the depression, the suicide attempts, all of it. Because that's obviously how suicide works. (Also, my sister Meles helped me with those ending sentences. Be sure to look at her profile because I say so!)  
**

**-PastaLover5000**


	6. RoChu (Warning: MPreg)

**You have no idea how many people were excited for this pairing. Oh well. I've got a request to include MPreg, so that is here for a brief moment. Since I couldn't come up with a lot of funny ideas for Russia, my sister roleplayed him for this chapter. She's got a good sense of humor, right? Anyway, after Giripan, I've decided to have SuFin and then something for the most tragic and cute canon love story in the whole thing: HRExChibitalia.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 6: RoChu**

China was at home relaxing once he got home from the Allies Meeting. Comforting America was the _worst _though it was pretty funny to see someone who was usually so strong and brave act like a crybaby for one day.

Suddenly, he looked towards the window and saw something terrifying. It was Russia at his window. Violet eyes were wide and he had his hands pressed up against the glass. He wore an even larger smile than usual on his face. "Kolkolkolkolkolkolkol..."

China screamed and backed away from the window. Oh no! It was Russia! That guy was so scary and terrifying! He had beat small nations with his lead pipe and forced them to work for him. China bet he even hurt little orphans!

"Become one with me, da?"

"No (aru)! Get away from me (aru)!"

"But Sunflower, the glass is separating us and our love! In short, it has come to my understanding that this window and all of it's glass is putting our relationship in jeopardy! It must be stopped, da?" Suddenly, Russia took out his lead pipe. Before China could object, he smashed the window open and jumped inside. All the while, he continued to smile.

"Now will you become one with me, Sunflower?" He asked after a few moments of shocked silence.

"S-Stop calling me your Sunflower (aru)! Get out (aru)!" China replied.

"But I love you. You're so sweet and feminine, it makes me blush. See? I'm blushing, da?" Russia stated simply as if it was the most obvious reason in the whole world.

"I'm not feminine (aru)!" China objected. "Now watch me do all these feminine things (aru)."

So, China proceeded to get out a panda and squeal over it, cry over his siblings (mainly Japan) being independent, cook like a boss, comb through his hair, and complain about girls that he's jealous of. All the while, Russia watched. Occasionally, he would interrupt and ask to become one to which China rejected every time.

Eventually, Russia began to sulk. Now, watching Russia being depressed over anything was a whole new level of terrifying because, how the hell did this guy get depressed!? You never knew what could happen with a Depressed!Russia. He could cry and get himself drunk over many bottles of straight vodka (Note: Drinking is bad, children.) or beat you senseless while still getting drunk. You just didn't know.

But, to sum it all up, Russia began to sulk. China watched from a few feet away. Alright, he obviously had to do something about this. Still, what would happen to him!? This guy was so scary, he didn't know what he would do!

"China?"

"Yes, aru?"

"Why do you think everyone hates me? I try so hard and yet, even you hate me." Russia asked, tearing up.

China let out a small gasp. So, even this heartless monster had feelings! What a plot twist! So, he went and wiped Russia's tears away. "I don't hate you (aru). I think you're very sweet (aru)." Wasn't China just afraid of this guy a few seconds ago?

"R-Really?" Russia stuttered like an uncertain schoolgirl.

"Well, to be honest, I was afraid at first (aru)," Russia looked like he was going to start crying, so China quickly added, "But as soon as I got to know you, I realized that they're all wrong about you (aru)."

Hey, China. This guy stalks you and he broke into your house! Are we all just going to ignore that?

"W-Wow...T-Thank you, China... I mean, ever sense I was little, I've been alone. And, just in case you're wondering, yes. I _am_ leaving Ukraine, Belarus, Lithuania, Estonia, Latvia, and all my other comrades out of this equation. I'm even forgetting that one duchess I cared for a long time ago! But, none of that matters now I guess. B-Because n-now I know that I'm not a-alone and that you're h-here for me."

"Of course I'm here for you (aru)! I've been alone too (aru)! Nobody has ever understood me like you do (aru)."

Wait a minute! How long has Russia been here!? Like, I dunno, an hour? Two hours tops? I mean, I draw the line at three. So what is happening!? This is progressing way too fast! Russia! China! Stop! Stahp!

Despite all my warnings, Russia suddenly lifted China's chin up and planted a soft kiss on his lips. (Oh Gawd!)

"Oh, Russia (aru). You've never told me how great of a kisser you are (aru)."

Why would he need to? Up until this point, you two weren't going out. What? Should I randomly mention to all the boys at my school that I'm a good kisser? I mean, might as well. Look at Russia. He did it without a second thought and it's been going great for him so far.

"I'm sorry, Sunflower. I love you. Let us be together and ride off into the Russian sunset and make love in a field of sunflowers while we are protected by the stars of romance!"

What a poet.

"That sounds wonderful (aru). We can stare at the moon together like Japan and I used to and one of us can get pregnant somehow (aru). That will probably be me, but oh well (aru)."

"That sounds wonderful."

Wait! Hold the phone! This is _Russia_! Doesn't he have a problem with children!? Like, I dunno. Would he be a threat to them considering the fact you never know what would set him off!? Think China! Think!

Months later, China walked up to Russia nervously. "Russia, (aru)? I have something to tell you (aru)."

Oh no...

"Yes Sunflower?"

Please don't let this be what I think it is...

"It turns out that..."

I don't think I'm ready for this...!

"I'm pregnant (aru)."

NOOOOOOOOOOO! ALL LOGIC HAS BEEN FUCKED UP AND ABANDONED!

ALKFJDKLAJFDSKLAJDSOT9I43UQ89TY140RHYF2EW870YFH954Y5EW869YHGBlkjaflduaouro 327uot u39q[i 8`ut

Sorry. That was just me slamming my head on the keyboard, ripping it out, and then throwing it across the room. Had to get that out, you know.

THE END!

* * *

**What did we learn today? Never fall in love with a stalker, or else they will get you pregnant. Even if you are a guy. Until next time!  
**

**-PastaLover5000**


	7. Giripan

**Yay! I'm so glad this is here! So many people were excited for me to put this up! *cricket sounds* Okay, nobody was excited. I just wanted this here because of a bad fanfiction I read that had this pairing in it. Even a friend of mine, who ships weird pairings (BelarusxCanada?), doesn't like this one. My sister added some lines for Greece for this chapter.**

**Also, SuFin is up next. Here's some things I'm planning for Finland to say: "Su-San!" "Hey, Su-San!" "I love you, Su-San!" "Why are you so mean, Su-San!?" "SU-SAN!" **

**Still excited for SuFin? **

* * *

**Chapter 7: Giripan**

After yet_ another_ world meeting, Japan went home. He was so glad that he could finally get away from those assholes and have time to himself. Of course, once he opened his front door, he saw a certain nation sleeping in the middle of his living room.

"Greece-san?"

Greece continued snoring. Japan poked him a few times. After awhile, Greece woke up and gave a small smile. "Hey. I'm so glad you're here. I've been waiting for you all day."

"That's good to hear, but why are you-"

"Not you!" Greece looked past Japan and saw Japan's cat, Tama. He smiled and began to pet him. "Your cat is so wonderful. I love cats. Cats are my life."

"Uh...I see," Japan muttered.

Suddenly, some more cats started to randomly crawl towards Greece. He smiled. "Yay. Cats," He whispered before they all started surrounding him. Japan just stood there with a confused look on his face. Where were all these cats coming from? Oh well, never mind that. What was Greece doing here ? "Excuse me, but may I ask why you are in my-"

Japan heard some snoring noises and gasped. Did Greece just fall asleep on him!? Well, after sleeping in a world conference for one episode, making a really calming Hatafutte Parade, and then being a boring character in general, the answer is: yes.

It was hours until Greece woke back up. He rubbed his eyes and looked to Japan. "Oh. Hey, Japan. When did you get here?"

Japan stood there with an exasperated look on his face. While this guy _should _be calling the cops so they could arrest Greece for breaking and entering, he just took a deep breath and asked the question again. "May I ask why you are in my home?"

"Isn't obvious, Japan?" Greece whispered. "I love cats."

"What does that have anything to do with cats?"

"You're my cat." Greece said, pointing to him.

"What!?" Japan asked with disbelief.

"Now put this sexy kitty outfit I picked out for you on and dance."

Now, Japan should be calling the cops so they could arrest Greece for: breaking and entering, as well as sexual harassment. What are you doing, Kiku!? Call the cops!

"Okay."

WHAT!?

Even though Japan would never be comfortable with sexy dancing, he put on the sexy outfit Greece picked out for him (two cat ears) and danced anyway. Now, I know that some Giripan fans won't be satisfied since they think Greece is an incredibly sweet sweetheart, but this is my thing, so I'm putting it anyway. As if the other chapters weren't offensive enough.

After the sexy dancing, they both pretended as if it never happened. They had played some video games that were filled with cats, practiced some Japanese, and other boring stuff. And then Turkey randomly came in and caused a ruckus.

"Hey Greece! You're a loser!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID SONS OF A BITCHES! I AM A MAN NOW! YOU ARE A MOUSE! GO AWAY! I SPIT IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION! YOUR MOTHER WAS A HAMSTER AND YOUR FATHER...well...I never met him. BUT HE SMELLED LIKE ELDERBERRIES NO DOUBT! NOW GO AWAY BEFORE I GET MY GREEK ARMY ALL OVER YOUR ASS!"

"..."

Turkey left shortly after. It was silent for a bit before Greece turned to Japan. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

Japan sighed. "It is alright."

So, they continued doing stuff. They wrote a bunch of poems, looked at Sakura trees, and then stared at the moon not at all like how Japan used to do with China. Then, Greece asked an interesting question.

"Hey, wanna make out?" Greece asked.

Japan blushed, not believing Greece would ask such a question. Then, he nodded. Greece learned in and kissed Japan. As the kiss went on, their tongues started to touch and both of them were fighting for dominance. Soon, Greece stopped and Japan blushed intensely. "Well, that was...interesting..."

"Yeah."

For awhile, it was pure silence. Then, Greece looked to Japan. "Wanna go out? I mean, everybody else is doing it."

Japan thought for awhile, then nodded. "Okay."

THE END!

* * *

**So, what did we learn today? If a friend is randomly in your house without your permission, do the most rational thing: fall in love with them.  
**

**-PastaLover5000**


	8. SuFin

**I think I'm going to try to stop leaving author's notes at the very beginning. I don't think a lot of you like the fact that once there's a new chapter, you have to read through this note and then get on with the chapter. So, I'm only putting them at the end. On the bottom, there will be: what you learned, a few stuff about this chapter and on the next one, and blablabla. So, onto SuFin!  
**

* * *

**Chapter 8: SuFin**

It was in the middle of a snowy night, and the snow that fell from the dark sky to the ground glistened like shards of crystal. Inside an old nearby house was two countries. Sweden and Finland both slept in the same bed and the blankets that covered their bodies provided enough warmth for the two to sleep comfortably until dawn. Sweden had wrapped his arms around his little wife and never let go of him. Notice how the writing is over the top and I, the writer, am obviously focusing on quantity and not quality.

The only person who wasn't feeling happy was Finland. It was a long time since they had left that crazy Dane and therefore, Finland _should_ have had plenty of time to adjust to Sweden and not be afraid of him. Oh well. Who cares? Not you.

So, today, Finland was leaving. He got up and each step on the cold wooden floor made Finland's heart ache. He had loved Sweden so much. He didn't want to leave, but he had to. He had wanted to be independent and stand on his own. He didn't want to rely on Sweden anymore.

Once Finland got out of the house, he had exposed himself to snow and freezing coldness. And it was in the middle of the night. And he had no jacket. Or shoes. Oh yeah. And the wind speed had just increased a few miles per hour.

"Oh well. Yolo, right?" Finland asked himself. Then, he had walked off into the snow.

So, Finland wandered resolutely like a moron. He had walked through the ice and snow while shivering. Soon, he had found himself in rivers and lakes where the water was a little bit warmer, but Finland was still cold. Next, he had wound up at shores and beaches. Then, he went through deserts and rocky mountains. Eventually, he ended up at a grassy plain. You can see how far Finland was willing to get away from Sweden. Now, we have no idea where Finland even is. He's just gone.

Still, Finland didn't feel proud of himself. A part of him felt like he was betraying Sweden. His Su-San. (Yes, even though he isn't from Japan's place, that's the nickname he's going to give him.) Any minute now, Su-San would wake up and find that his wife wasn't there with him. Then, he would go into a frenzy.

By nightfall, Finland had sat down and began to cry. Yes, he was afraid of Su-San, but he still loved him nonetheless. He had loved his eyes that were both terrifying and yet beautiful. He had loved his love for carpentry and making stuff.

"Finland."

Finland stopped crying and lifted his head up. When he saw who it was, he let out a gasp. "Su-San?"

"Finland, my wife."

What a minute. Am I forgetting something?

_Flashback!_

_Despite the fight he just had with Romano, Italy was suddenly smiling. "Ve~! I'm here to see a-Germany! I want to have a-pasta with him!"_

_Make sure to type out accents. Those aren't difficult to read at all._

Oh right! I've been forgetting this rule for five chapters almost! So sorry, everyone. Let's try that again.

Sweden walked towards Finland. Then, he sat down next to him and looked him in the eye. "F'nl'nd, m' w'f'," Much better! "W'y d'd y' l'v'?"

Finland jumped. Oh no. He didn't want Sweden to realize he was afraid of him! So, he just scooted a little bit away from Sweden and then looked to the ground. "I guess I just wanted to be independent. Not your wife."

"L'st'n, y' c'n l'v if y' w'nt." (I take it back. Is he holding his own tongue as he speaks? What is he saying!?)

Finland took that in and then began to cry. Then, he fell into Sweden's arms. "Oh, Su-San! I'm so sorry I tried to leave for no reason at all! I'll stay with you forever and ever!"

Sweden suddenly leaned in and kissed Finland romantically for no reason at all. At first, Finland was startled. Then, he allowed himself to relax and close his eyes. He leaned in and returned the kiss. Every second of it was magical.

Suddenly, Denmark, Norway, and Iceland were there.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Denmark cheered. "I knew you two would make good lovers someday! Am I right? Anyone?"

Norway nodded unemotionally while Iceland just rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Whatever."

"We should all hang out!" Denmark declared. "I mean, I'm a Scandinavian country, you guys are Scandinavian countries. We can call ourselves the Nordics!"

"What made you think of that?" Iceland asked.

"I like it," Norway muttered.

"Hmm...now all we need is a love child," Finland thought to himself.

Suddenly, Sealand appeared out of nowhere. He jumped, not expecting to be here. After looking around, he turned to Finland. "Mom!" He ran up to Finland and hugged him. It would have been very sweet if the micro nation didn't appear out of nowhere and already belong to England.

"Woo! I have a nephew!" Denmark announced excitedly. I bet you didn't know that Sweden and Denmark were brothers, huh? At least, I think they are. I heard it recently. Then again, you never know.

Meanwhile, France was watching the scene from a distance. After lowering his binoculars, he sighed pleasurably. "Ah, young love."

* * *

**What did we learn today? Even if your partner scares you to death, stay with them. In the end, you'll be awarded for it.  
**

**Man, this one was hard! ********Sweden's accent alone was hard to type out.** I'm sorry if this wasn't funny enough, but most of the fanfics about these two are either good, but really sophisticated, or boring. It was a challenge to make a parody out of it with just them, so I added the rest of the Nordics because they're there in a lot of these and they make everything more fun. Also, a friend helped me out with the joke of Sealand being Sweden and Finland's 'love child'. 

**At the time of making Giripan, I had planned for Finland to be an obsessive stalker who follows Sweden around all the time and loved him to the point of it being creepy. Then, I had changed my mind because that's not how SuFin fanfics are written at all. Oh well. I like this better. **

**Next up will be: HRExChibitalia. **

**-PastaLover5000**


	9. HRExChibitalia

**Chapter 9: HRExChibitalia**

_Dear Italy,_

_Oh my lords. I have been waiting for this moment for a long time. I haven't forgotten about our kiss not too long ago and that wonderful push broom **(A/N: *cough cough PANTIES! cough cough*)** you gave me. Today, I've gone through my first war. The sky was grey from the overuse of gun powder and many men have died. Prussia is going through a hard time as well. My siblings and I have been fighting a lot. My country is dying. But you know what? I don't care about any of that. Instead, I care about you and only you. I love you so much, Italy. I hope we'll meet again soon._

_From Holy Rome  
_

Chibitalia read the rather grim note with a sweet smile. That's right. Chibitalia read the rather grim note. Not Italy. Not Veneziano. Not Feliciano. Not even Feli. Chibitalia. Remember that. After awhile, Chibitalia got out his own quell pen and ridiculously long piece of paper. Then, he began to write himself.

That's right, everyone. We're doing a love story told entirely through love notes. Get ready for the confusion!

* * *

_Dear Holy Rome,_

_I'm so happy to hear you are alright. I've never actually been in a major war so I can't imagine how terrible it must be._

_Just promise you won't change into something bad..._

_Ti amo!_

_-Italy Veneziano_

* * *

_Dear Italy, _

_Don't worry. I'm not going to change to anything bad. I'm the purest of pure. As long as you're in my letter life. Without you, I don't know what I would do. Probably a horrible act that will lead to everyone, particularly some future country named America, thinking I'm a Nazi. Whatever. I love you! _

_XO__XO__XO__XO__XO__XO__XO__XO__XO__XO__XO__XO__XO__XO__XO__XO__XO__XO__XO__XO_

_From, Holy Rome._

(Why was there text language in that one?)

* * *

_Dear Holy Rome,  
_

_Okay. I hope that you'll return soon. Tell your brother I said hi._

_-Italy Veneziano_

(If you haven't noticed, Italy is acting perfectly normal! Holy Rome on the other hand...)

* * *

_Dear Italy, _

_LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_

_From Holy Rome_

(See what I mean?)

* * *

_Dear Holy Rome,_

_I'm so sorry that I haven't written in awhile! Apparently, Mr. Austria has lost his voice and can only express his unexplained cruelty and disgust towards me though the melodies of his piano. I never knew music about hate could be so beautiful..._

_-Italy Veneziano_

* * *

_Dear Italy,_

_Read, I'm sorry. Apparently I've become so OOC that I cannot live anymore. I am going to go to war with France today. He'll probably kill me and I'll die like I was always meant to. But Italia, yes, that is the nickname I'm giving you even though I don't speak Italian, just remember that I love you.  
_

_From Holy Rome_

* * *

_What!? No! You can't! You can't die, Holy Rome!  
_

_Please tell me this is a joke..._

_-Italy_

* * *

_Dear Italy, _

_I'm sorry that I can't be there with you. Prussia said, "Man, give it up! You're not going to see her again!" and I was all like, "Yes I am!" But he was right apparently. I'm so sorry. Don't worry. I'll reincarnate some day and become a new country. I've thought of losing my memories and renaming myself. Oh well. It's too late. This is the end of my road. If you're reading this, I'm dead. Goodbye._

_From Totally-Not-Germany_

* * *

And that was the day when Italy developed OOC disease. The one that made him become bi-polar until he met Germany who he instantly assumed was indeed the Holy Roman Empire.

THE END!

* * *

_Italian Translations: _

_Ti Amo=I love you  
_

* * *

**What did we learn today? OOCness is key. If you want to make a successful story with more than a hundred reviews and stuff like that, then you HAVE to make them OOC. The only exception is the adorable Chibitalia. But that's it. Granted, I've never made a story with more than a hundred reviews, but oh well.  
**

**Have an awesome day everyone, and may the fourth be with you.  
**

**Next up: LietPol**

**-PastaLover5000**


	10. LietPol

**Chapter 10: LietPol**

"Hey, Liet. Did you know that Russia and China are, like, totally going out?" Poland randomly asked while on a visit at Lithuania's house. I shouldn't have to mention the part about him having to act like a teenage girl or say 'like' or 'totally' every single statement. I know it's canon and stuff, but he normally doesn't say it 24/7. I heard that he almost got his head cut off by Prussia, so there must be more character development somewhere, but whatevez.

Lithuania sat around with pink nail polish, a base coat, filers, and all that shit to do Poland's nails. "No. I didn't. Are they seriously going out?"

"Totally," Poland stated. "In fact, I visited China the other day and they're totally having twins!"

"Oh, that's great! How nice of them to adopt some children."

"Adopting? Like, who said anything about adopting?"

The other two Baltics, who were just sitting around and chilling, perked up at this.

"They're not adopting?" Estonia asked.

"No."

"Oh, so there is a woman carrying the baby for them."

"No. China is pregnant," Poland answered as if it were the almost normal thing in the world.

"W-What? B-But he's a guy!" Latvia chimed in.

"Your point?"

"Guys can't bear children," Estonia mentioned.

"Yeah. And besides, wasn't there an episode in Beautiful World about immortality and the fact that it would be painful for us to have children because they would grow past us and die?" Lithuania asked before adding, "Or our children would replace us and we would fade away."

"Nope. Their children will represent their capitals."

"That makes no sense."

"It makes perfect sense. Anyway, you guys weren't there, so I totally suggested some rad names for them."

Lithuania sighed and prepared for the ridiculousness. "What did you suggest?"

"Okay, so the first baby will be, like, Beautiful Sunshine Chinese Dragon. The second one will be, like, Rainbow Kiss Mother Land. We don't think there will be triplets, but if there will be, the third baby is going to be named Ashawanabufontonquibalafondelarequandralaquishabanishatishabufontrellaniquandrea. And they will all be girls."

"How do you know that?"

"Like, Polish intuition."

"Okay then."

"Hey, wait a minute," Estonia suddenly spoke up, "What about Mr. Russia? Doesn't he hate you with a burning passion because of Lithuania over here?"

"Yeah. I just talked with China about it. The minute that dude came into the picture, I was totally thrown out."

"Hey, guys. Don't we still work for him?" Lithuania asked.

"Still work for who?" A familiar voice asked.

The Baltics turned around and screamed. It was Russia! Because even though he was dating someone and there were rumors going around that he was a big sweetie, he was still scary as hell.

Russia look one glance at Poland, then turned to Lithuania. All the while, he still wore that creepy smile that sent shivers up Lithuania's spine. "Lithuania, my precious little comrade, why did you bring _that_ here, _da_?" He asked, a dark purple aura around him.

"Oh no!" Poland screamed. "He, like, sees me!"

"Kolkolkolkolkolkkolkol..."

"Come on, Liet! Let us take a ride on my pony and get out of this totally wretched place!"

"Wait, what?"

Suddenly, Lithuania and Poland were at the mall.

"Yay, shopping!" Poland cheered.

"Wait a minute," Lithuania muttered, "How did we get to the mall?"

"I don't, like, know. Now, it's time to shop!"

"But I don't want to!" Lithuania told him, considering that they shopped at least three times a day.

"Like, too bad," With that, Poland disappeared into the section for girls clothing.

Lithuania sighed and followed the Polish gir-I mean, uh, boy. By the time Lithuania caught up to Poland, he had already picked out something and told Lithuania to wait for him to come out of the dressing room. So, Lithuania had sat down at a nearby chair and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited some more, when finally, Poland walked out in a sparkling pink dress. "Hey, Liet? Do you think this dress makes me look fat?"

Lithuania gasped. "Feliks!" It took all he could to not say his human name in public.

"What?"

Lithuania sighed. "You know what? Never mind."

Suddenly, Poland burst into tears. "You _do_ think it makes me look fat, don't you!? _Dupku!" _With that, he ran away. Eyeliner and mascara was dripping down his face.

Lithuania frowned. "Watch him go back to normal in 3...2...1."

As if on cue, Poland stood there. His face was cleaned up and he held up a plaid skirt with pink and red along with a stylish belt. "Hey, Liet! What do you, like, think of this skirt?"

"Of course," Lithuania muttered under his breath. "It looks fine, Feliks. Can we go home now?"

"Come on!" Poland whined. "Like, help me!"

_When Jason was at the table, I kept on seeing him look at me when he was with that other girl. Do you think he was just doing that to make me jealous? Because he was totally texting me all night last night and I don't know if it's a booty call or not._

Poland gasped at the familiar music playing. "Oh my, like, god. This song is so..."

"Funny, isn't it?"

"AMAZING!"

"What!?"

"It's like, totally my anthem!"

"It's supposed to be making fun of spoiled girls who go to nightclubs every night!" Lithuania protested.

Poland gasped. "Oh my god! We are, like, totally not friends now cause this song is my jam!"

_After we go to the bathroom, can we go smoke a cigarette? I really need one. But first..._

"Let me take a Selfie," Poland started dancing to the beat, waving his arms around like a weirdo.

Lithuania facepalmed (A/N: Somebody needs to add the word 'facepalm' to the dictionary). "Why am I not surprised?"

"Hey."

Lithuania turned and saw a young woman with long dirty blonde hair and blue eyes that none could forget. She wore a long blue dress along with an apron and if Lithuania didn't know any better, he would think it sort of looked like a maid outfit. He let out a gasp, for this woman was Russia's little sister Belarus, and also his former girlfriend. "Bela-" Lithuania stopped himself. "Or, uh, Nataylia? What are you doing here?"

"To tell you how much I hate you!" With that, Belarus slapped Lithuania across the face, which was pretty humiliating since he was a guy.

Lithuania began to rub his cheek. "What did I do!?" He cried.

"My heart belongs to big brother!"

Just as Belarus was walking away, Poland saw them together and gasped. "OMG! Liet!"

Oh no. Not again. "What!?"

"You're totally going out with Belarus!"

"Uh, Feliks, we aren't supposed to call each other country names in public," Lithuania whispered. It was a good thing that Belarus wasn't a well known country or else they would have been screwed.

"I HATE YOU!" Once again, Poland ran away sobbing.

"Here we go again," Lithuania started to go after him until he saw the strangest sight. A young man with brown hair and blue eyes who looked about sixteen years old was running through the store, screaming.

"What the-?"

Then, an man in his late twenties came along. He had dark hair and matching eyes as he ran after the young man. He was screaming some kind of battle cry or something.

"Who are you people?" Lithuania demanded, unaware that these were the writer's OCs who were here for no reason at all.

"None of your god damn business!" The sixteen year-old declared. With that, he snapped his fingers and blue flames came out. Within seconds, the whole entire store was on fire.

_"Ką po velnių?" _Lithuania switched to Lithuanian for some unknown reason.

Fire alarms went off, and as expected, everyone was screaming and running away. Suddenly, men from the Fire Department came over with no shirts on and tried to put the fire out. However, they were inexperienced as this was their first day, and they start waving their hoses around while screaming and crying loudly. It was almost as if Italy Veneziano trained them or something.

Suddenly, Lithuania woke up with a start. He looked around and saw he was in his own room and the lights were off. Birds were singing and the sun was just beginning to set. Lithuania let out a sigh of relief. "Oh. It was all just a bad dream. A bad, bad, _bad, _dream..."

Soon, Poland flipped over. "Morning, Liet!"

Lithuania screamed.

THE END!

* * *

_Polish Translations_

_Dupku=You Ass_

_Lithuanian Translations_

_Ką po velnių?=What the hell?_

* * *

**So, what did we learn today? When doing a character, only stick to the stereotypes and what people _think _they are like. Not how they actually are. Either that, or keep one character IC and the rest of them OOC.  
**

**The name Poland suggested for the third possible RoChu child is pronounced like this: Asha-wana-bu-fonton-quiba-la-fond-el-are-quandra-la-quisha-banisha-tisha-bu-fontrella-niqu-andrea. My sis suggested using it and I agreed. It sounds so Poland, don't you think? If you want to see the video where I got the name from, just go to YouTube and look up "Hetalia 2p Italy Fabo". It should be the first video there. Also, look out for the RoChu girls. You never know when they might appear in a chapter...  
**

**The OCs are two men named Kassian Carter and Moric Krad. Kassian was the one who could control blue fire and Moric is his enemy. They're only there for my own amusement, not to be stolen. **

**Next up: UKUS (Yes, I know I already did USUK. But in this one, England is the man and America is the woman. It was a request. It's different, okay!?)  
**

**-PastaLover5000**


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